Fight the Real Enemy

First, I apologize to everyone (including the one outsider who commented on Dusty’s piece – we have a reader!) for being the last member of this intellectual Jonestown to post. I can only hope my contributions will be of similar quality as those of my fellow bloggers: an AntiChrist conspiracy theorist, an article-wielding contrarian, and a grumpy white guy who wants to restrict the limits of participatory democracy (and expand the right to beat his own slaves).

Along with my colleagues, I believe the United States is the greatest nation on earth. But unlike my colleagues, I view the U.S.A.’s greatness the same way I view the prominence of Notre Dame's college football program: a rich history, a proud tradition, undeniable success, and maybe an outdated philosophy on the importance of white people.

Speaking of white people, in the midst of all this millenialist-minded Christian ranting about President-elect Obama ushering in the end of the world (a prospect, you think, would make them happy - and a myth thankfully deconstructed by my colleague), I can't help but express my utter disappointment in the American people for failing to see the real mastermind behind America's foreign policy. He's been to your State Fair, he's played your 4th of July celebrations, he's performed at your church, he's sold you a timeshare in Branson, MO, and he's been behind every major American military campaign for the last 20 years. For years he's used Reagan's ideologies of American optimism and Divine mission to profit off of American patriotism and naivety. I've stared into the face of evil - and he stared back at me, wearing a Stars-and-Stripes leather jacket, singing "God Bless the U.S.A."

I suspect Lee Greenwood has masterminded every major American military campaign since the first Gulf War. No single person or organization stands to profit from American military action, patriotism, public rallies, and Wal-Mart royalties more than Lee Greenwood. Most of the New York Times columnists (you the man, Paul Krugman) might target someone like Toby Keith as the profiteer of American jingoism. But the truth is Toby sells records, makes straight-to-CMT movies (a new genre, I believe), and slings the best cheese dip in OKC regardless of the average American's fear of attack or giddy support for invading a nation. The same is true for the Bush family or Dick Cheney. We need to stop focusing on the rich and powerful, and start looking at those who can only attain riches and power if God-fearing people become foreigner-fearing people. As the comparison below clearly shows, if America isn't at war, Lee Greenwood simply doesn't eat:

Average annual income/revenue, 09/12/2001-2007:

Dick Chaney: $8.80 million
Halliburton: $3.5 Billion
Exxon: $40 Billion
Royal House of Saud: $38 Billion
Lee Greenwood $3 Million

Average annual income/revenue, 1998-2001:
Dick Chaney: $2.4 million
Halliburton: $1.7 billion
Exxon: $8.8 billion
Royal House of Saud: $29 billion
Lee Greenwood: $125.17

The good news for this country is that the President Elect is not a big fan of Mr. Greenwood. The bad news is that Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.I.am has already made a side career as an activist and (gulp) analyst on CNN in support of Barack Obama. We can only hope these two bastions of rhythm-based misinformation destroy each other and never, never join forces.