People Who Are Better Than You: Vol. 1

Recently, I overheard a conversation in the bookstore.

Person A: "Did you see The Colbert Report Christms Special?"

Person B: "No, I didn't. Was it good?"

A: "Yeah. Toby Keith was in it. I bet they replay it."

B: "Toby Keith." *groan*

------------------------------------------------

I've spent some time thinking about that groan. Despite what the groaner might tell you, it's not born out of a disdain for today's brand of country music, or more specifically Toby Keith's brand of country music. Record sales indicate, at least as far as the market is concerned, TK's brand is the best brand. To further the point, I have never observed the names of Gary Allen or Blake Shelton generating that kind of reaction. I believe my colleague Rick was one of the first to ever heap criticism on Lee Greenwood (if anyone knows where Rick is, please pass along that information). No no, the Toby Keith groan is personal. It's not disdain for his music, or at least not for his music alone. The groan is for the man himself. For some people, Toby Keith represents the worst of America. But are they right?

------------------------------------------------

Butch once said my chief problem is that I can't decide whether or not I am a country born, gun owning, Ford Truck Man, or a guy who lives in a trendy urban area, drinks mocha lattes, and has a fancy lap dog. While I think of the duality as a strength, he's probably right. It's that inner struggle for identity that drives most of my decision making.

Well, when I heard that conversation, the Ford Truck Man won the inner battle. I've got news for you people out there who groan when you hear Toby Keith's name.

TOBY KEITH IS BETTER THAN YOU!

Here are just a few of the many reasons why.

1. Because putting a boot up your ass really is the American way.

Actually, here are the pertinent lyrics to that now infamous song.

Justice will be served

And the battle will rage

This big dog will fight

When you rattle his cage

And youll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A.

Cause well put a boot in your ass
Its the American way

When you attack Americans, there will be repercussions. And just because you're a peace loving non-contributing hippie who thinks the American way is something out of John Lennon's imagination, it doesn't make that cause and effect scenario any less true.

Oh, and *the song* that people hate Toby so much for - the song that he plays for the troops serving your right to be a Toby Keith hating jackass - he wrote that in 2001, in honor of his recently passed veteran father and the men and women impacted in the aftermath of 9/11. He had no intention for that song to be played on the radio. He only changed his mind after a Marine Corps Commandant told him it was his patriotic duty as an American citizen to serve his country and boost troop morale by releasing the song.

It's hard to find a frame of comparison for that sort of thing. I have never been told by a Marine Corps Commandant to serve my country by expanding upon the work I was already doing. That might be like God telling me to step up my antichrist searching efforts. And I can't say whether TK got the job done or not. But I once saw a veteran sing that song and bring grown men to their feet, shaking their fists.

2. Toby Keith spends more of his time giving to charity than you've ever thought about.

Ally's House is one charity Mr. Keith sponsors. You can learn more about it following the link than I can tell you about.

In addition, Toby Keith has played at least 6 USO tours, taking some effort to play even smaller and harder to reach bases. He founded the "USO to Go" program. And he's come under mortar fire. When was the last time you came under mortar fire giving to charity? Do you go back to give some more? When was the last time you dodged a rough looking homeless person sleeping on the sidewalk?

3. Toby Keith was a professional athlete.

After graduation, Toby was a rufnek - which might be the manliest job there is. When the oil boom of the early 80's ended, a couple years after his last high school football game, Toby Keith went and played semi-professional football to play the bills. Seriously. Stop and think about that.

I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.

He doesn't just sing it, he lives it!

4. Toby Keith is a movie star.

Call him a "Straight to CMT" movie star if you want, but chances are, if any of you are featured on YouTube, you're more likely to have a video of the Chris Crocker persuasion. And however much I might agree with Mr. Crocker's viewpoint (seriously, leave her alone), I would rather be on the Toby Keith side on that one.

5. I love Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar & Grill"

In fact, I ate there tonight. And for corporate sponsorship, Mr. Keith, I will eat there every night. His bar and grill serves the best chips and queso in Oklahoma City. And while I choose to try out the Fried Balogna Sandwich more often than not, I hear the rest of the menu is great as well.

Toby Keith is a great American. Heck, he's just a good human being. So while I might not always love every song he sings or some of his fashion choices (see below), and while I definitely don't agree with every political position he takes (he's a yellow dog Democrat - almost as rare as a Northeastern Republican), you'll never hear me groan when his name is mentioned.

Here's a picture of a man who is better than you.